My Mother-in-law Hates Me

Lol anyone else in this same situation? Where their mother-in-law hates them? I see this on Dr. Phil occasionally and I relate so hard because this is my life.

But yes, my mother-in-law HATES me. I’m not even exaggerating this for effect.

And the worst thing for me, is that 1) my husband is an only child so there are no other kids or grandkids to help distract her. And, 2) we are in the exact same city – we live literally 10 minutes away. And, 3) she has no friends or hobbies so there is nothing else for her to do all day. This is my trifecta of hate.

But I think it all boils down to… Me and her have nothing in common. Which isn’t bad by itself, except she’s just hateful about it and frames all our differences as if there’s something wrong with me.

The biggest issue I think, is that she was a stay-at-home mom and her main responsibilities revolved around keeping the home clean and in-order and cooking every meal from scratch for her husband and child. And that is her ideal standard for being a wife/mother.

And that’s just not me. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with me and her having different paths in life, except she’s constantly belittling me and trying to make me feel less-than for my different lifestyle.

I work full-time. And my main responsibilities are to work, and then to make sure my daughter is thriving. So when I’m not working, then I’m interacting with all my daughter’s needs, such as soccer and gymnastics and school studies. And she’s very active with all her extracurriculars so we stay quite busy.

I don’t make ANY meals from scratch. I don’t pick-up after anyone else in this home. I only pick-up after myself. I don’t have time for anything else. My daughter picks-up after herself. All the mess and clutter in the home that my MIL nags AT ME to take care of, is exclusively due to my husband – HER only child. So I don’t believe this is my problem.

Look. I don’t like my home being cluttered either. But her nagging at ME about it won’t solve the problem. The problem is so bad, that my husband actually keeps his overflow clutter (the clutter that I won’t allow in our home anymore because it is too excessive) in his own mom’s garage. She parks outside in her driveway so my husband can keep his excess clutter in her garage yet she thinks that I’m the problem. How crazy is that?!

She comes over for every single holiday. EVERY SINGLE ONE. And ruins every holiday for me. Every one.

She’s coming over for this-coming Mother’s Day as well. And we make Mother’s Day all about HER. I spend every Mother’s Day cooking her favorite meal (but not from scratch) and I listen to her complain about how she would make it better because she would grow her own green beans in her own garden and then can them herself, etc… She’s also particularly mad that I buy store-bought pies for these meals instead of making homemade pies. And she doesn’t like anything spicy so I have to make it all taste bland so I don’t enjoy it.

Sigh. See how all my holidays get ruined by her?

And it’s not much of a factor anymore since my daughter is in elementary school now, but prior to school, my daughter was in daycare all day because I was working. And my mother-in-law was so incredibly hateful to me because of that. Saying I needed to be home with my daughter during those years and I was being a neglectful mother. And I was the cause of her being sick all the time (she did have terrible allergies), etc…

That was about the time when I stopped caring what she thought of me and I stopped worrying about impressing her. How she treated me during that time was unforgivable. All she did was insult me over everything she didn’t like, BUT never lifted a finger to actually help anything. She really hasn’t changed much since then either.

So, I tolerate her. And that’s about it. I don’t buy her any cards or gifts for Mother’s Day. I just make a bland meal that she’ll say she hates but still comes over to eat. And she’ll fume at me that HER son keeps the house cluttered.

Fun times.

8 Replies to “My Mother-in-law Hates Me”

  1. Oh no! I’m so sorry. I have a difficult relationship with my mother-in-law too, but it isn’t as bad as what you’ve described. It says a lot about you and the love you have for your husband that you continue to show her kindness and cook her bland food and share your Mother’s Day and other holidays. I will be praying that you feel special and spoiled and loved – especially this Mother’s Day. ❤

    1. Aw thank you for the kind words Mamalava! I’m sorry to hear that you have a difficult relationship too. It’s definitely not easy and I wish you luck with yours! 🙂

  2. My MIL was a stay at home mum too. She never said any thing until much later but she was very skeptical about me going back to work full time after our first son was born. When he was about 3 she told me she had been unsure about nursery but she had come to see how enriching it was for our son and realised what an important example I was setting him about partnership and sharing responsibilities and that women’s roles outside the home are just as valuable as men’s. The difference is that my MIL keeps her thoughts to herself. Yours sounds a right nightmare. Have you ever told her that the mess is from her son and maybe she should have trained him better? Sounds combative but maybe she needs a taste of her own medicine?

    1. Lol thank you Smelly! I’m so glad to hear that your MIL keeps her thoughts to herself! That’s certainly what I do! Oh, she knows full well that the mess is entirely from her own son. She thinks it’s MY responsibility however, to pick up after him. I mean, that’s what SHE did for him. I wonder why he never learned to do this for himself? Hmmmm…. Lol, on a related note – she’s also always mad at me for making him do his own laundry too. That was another expectation he had of me when we married (I wonder where he got that expectation from?) and I refused to do it. And now he does it himself. She actually HATES me for this. SOOOO rude.

  3. Oh man I’m sorry, that sounds utterly intolerable… Is her husband/your FIL still in the picture? If so, what does he say /do… Also what does your husband do about all this and does he get along with her? Sorry, probably all personal questions, don’t need to answer them just saying those are the first thoughts that run through my mind…

    I thankfully don’t really have a MIL, my husband’s dad lives about 2 hrs away and they’re not close-close but we still see them when we can precovid… And the rest of his extended family I just adore so I lucked out… I do feel for you bc my best friends MIL is the exact same way.. She just doesn’t understand how to be empathetic, understanding, and only sees herself as the perfect example of a wife /mother… Ugh…

    1. You just said it much better than I could have!!! She does only see herself as the perfect example of a wife/mother, so anything else is sub-par for her and her son. And that’s exactly how she treats me – as not good enough. But I’m so envious of your situation with your in-laws – sounds 100% better than mine! You did luck-out, I can assure you! Oh, the FIL is around – but he’s a quiet-mouse compared to her so he’s not on my radar like she is. My husband just tries to keep her calm as much as possible so he doesn’t do anything to rock the boat any further than she does herself…

  4. That’s awful… I think perhaps she doesn’t really hate you. It’s about her empty life now you took her son away and she has nothing left and takes that out on you. Still she shouldn’t do it though.

    1. Nah, she’s kinda a hateful person all around so I don’t always take it personally. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t have anything to do with her. It’s probably why she has no friends. THEY have a choice. 🙁

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