When Gifts Cause Problems

Who would ever expect a scenario when gifts cause problems? Well it happened to me when I met this lady online… and she was really going through a hard time. She never got into specifics, but overall she was incredibly lonely and felt like nobody cared about her. She was estranged from her family too which contributed to her loneliness. She lived alone with several dogs which were her only friends except for her co-workers that she enjoyed while she was at work. She also had alot of money issues that caused stress for her.

Over the summer she had to have a surgery that was really freaking her out. She was mostly upset about how alone she was going to feel during her recovery, especially since she wasn’t even going to work anymore for at least a couple months.

I reached out to her to help cheer her up. We chatted a little bit and I asked if I could send her a care package and she gave me her home address.

So I really thoughtfully prepared a package for her of things that I felt she would like, and that she could enjoy during recovery… Cookies, lotions, soaps, loofas, loungewear, slippers, dog toys, dog treats, and a fancy ladies wallet.

I went to the post office to mail it and they MADE me put my return address on it. I really didn’t want my address on it but I did it anyway, and off if went.

Note to self: next time I mail something to someone I meet on the internet, use a fake return address.

She received it and sounded very appreciative and happy when we chatted next. And I had no worries about anything. I was happy that she seemed happy.

But then I started receiving gifts back in the mail. At first, it was daily. A pretty facemask one day, a bracelet the next day, a charm the day after that, etc…

I’m really not a fan of receiving gifts in the first place, and everything she was sending me is just going into my clutter drawer anyway, so I feel like it’s a major waste of her time and effort. I mean, I’ll chat with her anytime she wants and I don’t need gifts to maintain that.

I would thank her and tell her “you don’t have to send me anything” but the gifts wouldn’t stop. About once a week, I’ll still receive something from her and it’s freaking me out bc she’s still writing online about how she’s super stressed about her money issues. So now I’m having guilt about contributing to that.

Then I stopped messaging her thank yous whenever I received something, hoping she would get the point. But nope, the gifts kept coming…

Finally today I snapped. She messaged me “Oh I can’t wait to send you your Christmas gifts!” And I messaged back “Please stop sending me gifts. Stop. Please.”

And I haven’t heard back from her since. I feel really bad about hurting her feelings but I also really needed the gifts to stop.

I don’t know what to do now. How would you have handled this?

[There’s an update of this situation posted at When Gifts Cause Problems Part 2 ].

19 Replies to “When Gifts Cause Problems”

  1. I think it was such a wonderful gesture what you did and normally people would be really appreciative and send you a thank you card. But this is way too much and creepy. I think you did well speaking up. It must’ve taken a lot of courage ♡♡

  2. Ah man. So sorry. That’s sad. Hey, what can you do besides ask her to please stop.You just never know what you will be up against when dealing with people you don’t know on the internet. Sounds like a good life lesson. Ha! A strange one.

  3. I have a friend like that… she just appreciated the friendship and that’s how she knew to do??

    I had to tell her straight out, I was not comfortable with gifts and I don’t need for my friendship… just enjoyed the friendship.

    She was not in best money situation either at the time.

    So what would I do in your position… be honest with her… your care package was to bring her some cheer while laid up after surgery… she doesn’t need to send gifts back to say thank you and unfortunately I can not send gifts constantly myself and that makes me feel bad if someone is always sending them to me. I don’t mean to make feel bad – and appreciate the friendship and being a friend… but the gifts were stressing me out. I still appreciate the friendship if we can still be friends and you are not upset with not sending gifts all the time

    So that’s what I would say… then she can decide if she wants the friendship or not. Gifts don’t decide friends

    But you met yours online… mine was someone I knew in person

    We are still friends ❤️ I have now known her for over 20 years and she is like my family ❤️ or an extension of lol

      1. Hahaha… I am very “diplomatic” lol … and then also empathetic lol

        Plus I am also a realist so either they understand or they don’t – people have boundaries and that’s ok… you have to understand how people are or maybe where they are coming from … and then also know how to give your own boundaries ? Lol

        Boundaries are important.

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