Vent Post

I am so sorry but this is going to be a total vent post and I hate these too so I am sincerely apologizing in advance but I’m about to crack and I need to get this out of my system.

And I’m drunk right now too and I’m so angry because I quit drinking 2 years ago because it was a problem for me, and now I’ve started again so I’m also upset about that. But I really can’t deal anymore. I cry everyday now.

I need to get out of this house with my daughter. I hate it here.

My husband’s adult son has moved back home full time and quit his college and basically they go out drinking together every night and they BOTH treat me like a SERVANT for them in this home.

They literally ignore me all day except to ask “what’s for breakfast?” “what’s for lunch?” what’s for dinner?” and “we’re out of sweet tea can you get more?”

I cannot remember the last time I’ve had a break long enough to nap and they’ve napped all day long today except to eat.

My daughter is dealing with a chronic illness at this point and they don’t even help me. Per doctors orders, she’s supposed to be on a strict high-electrolyte schedule, and it was time for her pedialyte this morning and I found that those 2 adult men drank all her pedialyte because they were hungover and I had to make the 1 hour round-trip to the grocery store because they wouldn’t get up.

I asked my husband to take my daughter to another doctors appt for me bc I had a work conflict, and he BERATED me and verbally abused me for not managing my time better so I could do it all myself. I literally take her to 2-3 doctors appointments every week since last August between her dizziness and her foot injury and physical therapy AND I work full time and he spends all my money. Maybe he’s taken her to 3 appointments in this whole time.

He had a party at the house last Friday. My daughter was literally crying from pain and dizziness and discomfort so I stayed with her in our bedroom during the party. My husband later verbally abused me for being antisocial and RUDE when his friends were over. Some of his friends brought their wives over and he was upset that I didn’t entertain the wives so the guys could have their own time. So stupid.

And that damn treadmill!!! (The treadmill that doesn’t even work, remember?)

Per doctors orders, my daughter is needing daily high-intensity exercise. I paid for a (used) recumbent bicycle for her so she’s still able to exercise even when she is dizzy – which has been the case everyday since March. I told my husband that he needed to get rid of the treadmill finally so the bicycle could go in that place. Well, he didn’t.

And, he told me today that he’s NOT going to get rid of the treadmill after all because he doesn’t want to deal with it. So now I have exercise equipment in 2 rooms of the house instead of 1.

I found some high school kids that will remove that treadmill for me for $100. I’ll gladly pay it to finally get rid of the darn thing but I am SO ANGRY that my husband doesn’t help me. There are literally 2 ADULT MEN IN THIS HOUSE that refuse to help me at every opportunity. But they consume everything I have. All my money, all my energy, all my groceries, all my daughter’s pedialyte, everything.

Tonight, I made dinner. Enough for 4 people. My daughter was having a rare good day so she was outside playing with friends and I was waiting for her to eat. My husband and his son had TWO helpings of dinner EACH before my daughter came home at dark. There was not enough dinner left for me or her. So we ate cereal and Ritz crackers for dinner.

I’m so angry. I want OUT of this situation.

And I’m so upset that I started drinking again but I can’t take this anymore.

More Life Updates

Hi everyone!

My apologies for my posts being so choppy! I’m a bit unorganized these days. I honestly THRIVE on consistency and that has not been my life lately. But, I figured I’d update everyone on what’s been going on…

  1. Summer trip to Guyana is on hold! Remember my previous post where I said that my dad was taking us to Kaieteur Falls in the Amazon rainforest, as one of his bucket list items. Well, it’s been postponed since it is the rainy season there until August and they won’t fly visitors to the falls in the rain. And I’m totally ok with that. So we’re going to try to schedule this for fall break or spring break when it is more likely to be clear for flying! 🙂
  2. I know I complain about my corporate job here ALOT. When I post about it at all, it’s usually a complaint or my fantasy about leaving it. Well… I do have a positive to share. The health insurance has been great! My daughter has probably had 80+ doctor visits since last June, plus a surgery, plus a bunch of tests, and plus an ER visit. And my company-provided health insurance has taken care of practically all of it. I can’t believe how good it’s been. Especially since I know that the majority of people don’t have such a positive experience when it comes to health insurance. So I am extremely appreciative and I am very thankful.

    I probably won’t be fantasizing anymore about leaving my job anytime soon. I need to embrace it right now. And hang on to it for as long as I can.
  3. My daughter is still dizzy. She’s been dizzy without relief or a break from it since March. All her local specialists have practically given up at this point. They don’t have anything else for us to try. So I’ve been reaching out to specialists nationally to help us. The best lead I have, is that my daughter probably has a condition known as dysautonomia. So I’ve been reaching out to those specialists specifically. My first hurdle is that most of them deal with adults only – no children. So now it’s even more impossible to find someone to help.

The Mayo Clinic has pediatric specialists for this, and I’ve been trying to get her an appointment there, but they won’t book us. They say that they are completely booked for the next 12 weeks, and they don’t book anything out beyond that, and they don’t have a waitlist. They basically told me to call back everyday in case there is a cancellation.

University of Texas has pediatric specialists for this, and their soonest availability is SEPTEMBER. Of course I booked September, but seriously! It is NOT ok for my daughter to just stay dizzy until September. Not acceptable. Like, why is the system setup to do this to people who are suffering?!

I also found professional medical research online about this condition. And holy cow, this is the best thing I’ve found. It is very detailed with case studies, possible treatments and their effectiveness, possible root causes, etc. Everything that I can do that doesn’t require a prescription (and there are several prescriptions unfortunately), I’m going to try at home. I’m going to be her doctor. Lol, I’m doctor Pepper. (An old joke now I know, but still worth the placement).

There was one medical research paper I found with the case study of an 11 year old girl and the similarities to my daughter are pretty darn close. I reached out to that doctor’s University and we have a phone appointment with that doctor on FRIDAY!!! He’s out of state, so he wanted to talk to us over the phone first before we make a trip there. I’m so nervous about this phone call. I don’t want to be disappointed even more than I’ve already been.

So, that’s all my news everyone! I guess if there’s a morale to this story, it’s to be persistent. I probably experienced 500 dead leads before I got to this single good one. At least, I hope it’s a good one. It’s really the only hope I have right now.

In Other Life News…

Hi everyone! I know that I’ve been complaining alot about health issues lately, but this specific post will have nothing to do about that!

I made some progress on my $1000 Unclutter Challenge that I previously posted about. I’ve been uncluttering my house like crazy and I had a garage sale last weekend and I made $220! Not bad. I still have a long way to go to complete this challenge successfully, and I’m running out of months! But I’m still working on it.

I am a bit upset though. The purpose of the garage sale was to get rid of stuff. Unfortunately, while I was at home with my garage sale, my husband and daughter went out and visited other peoples’ garage sales. My town actually hosts an annual large-scale garage sale so there were a bunch of households participating on the same day. And of course, they came home with $75 worth of other people’s stuff and brought it all into my home. *sigh* I can’t win.

Anyhow, I did get the husband to agree to get rid of the treadmill that doesn’t work! Woo! And… I found someone that wants it, knowing full-well that it doesn’t work but they want to try to fix it up. They’ll get it for free, since it’s unknown if it will actually work again. So it won’t count as $$$ towards my challenge, BUT, I’m still happy about it because it’s leaving my house!

My only problem is that the treadmill is upstairs and it’s stupid-heavy, and our staircase is a weird angle and nobody really knows how to move the treadmill downstairs so it can be picked-up. We’ve been stumped by this for about 2 weeks now. I might not be able to get rid of it after all. 🙁

So anyway, that’s my other news for right now. Too bad I don’t have anything more interesting to share with you. What have you all been up to? 🙂

Health Updates

So my daughter’s current dizzy spell episode has been ongoing since March 28. That’s an terribly long time to be dizzy.

I asked her yesterday how she was feeling, and she replied “I feel normal”.

I got my hopes up that she was finally feeling better and I excitedly asked “Yay, so you’re no longer dizzy?!”

Her response: “My normal IS dizzy.”

Dammit.

That just broke my heart. It’s not right. She’s just a kid.

I don’t know what to do. She’s been powering-through pretty well. She’s been going to school and playing with friends occasionally and even had her birthday party. So she’s persevering ok. But I still don’t want her suffering with no relief.

I’ve taken her to her cardiologist and her ENT in the last few weeks and they don’t have anything new for us to try anymore for relief. And then I can’t even get a phone call back from her neurologist, so I guess I’m hunting around for a new neurologist now too.

I feel very let-down by the doctors we’ve tried. And I’m not saying this against any person specifically, because they’ve all been very nice to us and I believe they care personally. But I think the medical establishment is to blame with how they’ve setup their practices and systems.

I feel like the system only takes care of people that need a prescription or an expensive test. Anything that involves more investigative care, falls out of scope and they don’t have the time for that.

My daughter falls outside of that scope and I’m now finding it impossible to find someone to help her. She needs an investigative team of doctors. But the specialists don’t talk to each other! I have to tell her cardiologist what the ENT and neurologist have told me. I have to tell her ENT what her cardiologist and neurologist have told me. I have to tell her neurologist what her ENT and cardiologist have told me.

This system is not working. It is failing my daughter. I need to find her real help.

I feel like I am her doctor now. Doctor Pepper. And Google and Facebook groups for people suffering from dizziness is my medical degree. I’m going to fix this myself. For her.

In good news, her foot is finally feeling better now that she’s been walking and playing around without any support and the pain is very minimal. I’m scared to say that her surgery was a success because I don’t want to jinx anything but I have hope now that’s the case! So we’re going to try to ramp up her physical activity.

Good old fashioned exercise is definitely at the top of my personal treatment plan for her. We’ll give it a try.

Wish us luck!

Fun Glow in the Dark Party for Kids

So my daughter had her glow in the dark party a couple weekends ago!

It went off just fine. She had 9 friends show up, and as far as I could tell, everyone had a good time. There was a lot of screaming, but no tears so I guess that’s a positive!

We spent a ton of time decorating for it and I think it turned out very nicely! The most difficult thing was clearing out an entire ROOM for this. We had to move a couple couches and a TV stand and a TV etc… and then we had to move everything back afterwards.

Glow in the Dark Party / Image Source: Pepper V.
Glow in the Dark Party / Image Source: Pepper V.

We also prepared all the gift bags too, which were basically light-up tumblers stuffed with treats.

But anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that the party turned out great!

I’m sorry I was awol this past week but I was cleaning up afterwards (and there was ALOT to cleanup). I’m starting this week back to my normal routine so I’m looking forward to getting caught up here. I miss you all!

Glow in the Dark Party Decorations – Shopping Links

[Disclosure: the following links are affiliate links where I may earn a commission on any resulting purchase, at no additional cost to you.]

Glow in the Dark Party Gift Bags – Shopping Links

[Disclosure: the following links are affiliate links where I may earn a commission on any resulting purchase, at no additional cost to you.]

So I hope this all gives you good ideas and some inspirations for hosting your own party! I hope everyone has a great time! 🙂

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Full-on Party Planning Mode

Hi everyone! I know I’ve been awol these last few days as I’ve been in full-on party planning mode. It’s a mindset for sure. I’ve been obsessed.

My daughter has started feeling a little better so we’ve decided to go ahead with her party. We were trying to figure out if we needed to cancel or not, but she wants to keep it. I don’t think she’ll be 100% by then but I do think she’ll feel a million times worse if we cancel. So, it’s on!

The party is this Friday night and it’s a glow in the dark dance party. I’ve had to completely take-over one of our large rooms in the house and move all the furniture so there is a significant area for dancing. And I’ve had to order a bunch of decorations and equipment online and they haven’t all arrived yet!

The black light I ordered hasn’t arrived yet and that’s the specific delivery that’s making me nervous bc some of the decorations require the black light to glow. The delivery status is by tomorrow 7pm but that’s cutting it way too close for my comfort. I won’t be able to sleep tonight worried about it arriving in time. So stressful.

And we invited 12 friends but only 3 have rsvp’d so far. Based on previous years’ parties a lot of parents don’t rsvp until the day before. Which is kinda annoying bc I still have to make gift bags for the attendees but I don’t know how many I need to make! So… another stress!

Anyhow, I just wanted to let you all know what I’ve been up to. I won’t be able to relax until this is over. I want my daughter and her friends to have an awesome time.

I hope you all are having a better week than I am! 🙂

Discouraged

So on Tuesday my daughter got the green-light from the doctor to ditch her walking boot so she’s stepping on her own foot now for the first time since January!

And, she’s in pain again.

Dang it!

We were so hopeful because once the surgery-related pain subsided, she’s been pain-free in her foot even once she started running around everywhere in her walking boot.

And starting yesterday she’s been hobbling and limping bc her foot hurts so bad. I know I need to wait a little while for her foot to acclimate to being used again with no support, but dang I’m disappointed and discouraged. My daughter is too. And I’m so scared that the surgery didn’t even work or made things worse!

And to top it all off… starting Monday my daughter has been suffering from her severe vertigo episode again. So she’s getting hit with a lot right now and I hate seeing her feeling so incredibly unwell. Literally, from her head to her toes.

I tried to cheer her up by ordering a TON of birthday party decorations for her party coming up next weekend (April 9) and she was feeling so unwell she never even cracked a smile.

I just want this all fixed.

I hope she feels better in time for her party too. We already sent out all the invitations. 🙁